The last day of December

The last day of December
It’s my first weekend in hostel
I happily turned 19 in hostel
And I realise I’m getting older

My mum made a video about me for my birthday. And she put it in her facebook. I’m touched. I know how I felt that moment. I never feel like that before. It almost put me into tears. But I hold it back. I hold back tears a lot. You know, I never say “I love you mum”. I swear. I never say it to her, face to face. I only type it in text. I don’t know what is wrong with me? I just think that I’m too shy to say it out loud. Shy because I never did it before. And I am scare to start it first. Please scold me for that people.

I’m getting older. It happens to everybody. Time will tell. I know that nobody likes it. I wish I could stay 18 forever. I don’t want to face the life transition. I am scare. I want to be independent. I want to do a lot more crazy things, like studying, spending, flirting, giggling, day dreaming. I can’t think about being a wife. Gosh, don’t start it! See, I still have to learn more. Why time won’t wait? The world keep on spinning every second every minute every day.

I want to change, I want to be a better muslimah little by little. But time always running so fast. How can I learn in such manner? Sooner I will turn to 20. My senior rejects 4 proposals since she was 19 years old. And don’t tell me that you (female) didn’t think about getting married at all. It is not about I want to get marry earlier. It is about the life transition. The bigger responsibility. It will come no matter how.

With great power comes great responsibility. I can’t cook. I can’t tolerate with crying child and bossy husband. I don’t have the power yet. I only love animals. That could be my talent, my only power.