Saturday, April 23, 2016

You can't control everything


So we decided to have our dinner back in the hotel. We were planning to eat with some food I bought at Broast. The chicken looks tasty and juicy and yummy, every single time. I always wanted to eat something else apart from what the hotel served us. 

After dinner, all of us took our own ways and go back to each other’s room. I laid back and looked at my phone, checking my messages and I wanted to take my bath before I sleep. I cried when I found out that the time of the month has finally come. And I remembered how hard I prayed to God to postpone my period this month so I can fully attach myself to my ibadah here in Mekah. But His plans are better than mine and He knows what I do not know.  I continue crying, I felt so loss. I felt so demotivated, and I felt so angry too. 

It is a little bit disappointing when you came from afar to do your rarest ibadah and then your body is not holy enough for you to do anything in the most Holiest Mosque in the world. I cried myself to sleep. My grandma noticed it, she stayed with me in the same room. So she asked me about it in the morning. I told her with tears in my eyes. I felt a terrible sense of loss, you might never understand this feeling. I am so terribly at loss. The saddest part is I don’t know when I can come here again. 
 
 
from Google image
So we ate some bread to fill our tummy, and I took my grandma to the mosque so she can perform her fajr prayer there with my dad waiting for her arrival at Bin Dawood shop. With that, I left her with my father, and I walked my way back to the hotel all alone. I cried walking alone. I didn’t care at all if the people are looking. I know they were looking at me, I just didn’t look back because I know I do not want to socialize and to make contact with anyone at that moment. So I let them look.   

Until today, sadness always come knocking my heart every time my brain remembers this.



Sunday, February 14, 2016

Be a vampire and stay young


Let me be honest. I know, it has been a while. As I was surfing the net finding stuff about how to keep your skin young, I found so many tips. But I guess some of it, is kinda hard to do, for me (because I hella lazy). So I sorted out a few which I think is the easiest. And I put it in my words and in the way I understand it. I’m not a good person to talk about skin, I’m not a dermatologist though.

But here’s the easiest way:

1. Massage

“Massaging your face daily will help boost the production of collagen, give skin a more plump appearance and help stimulate the lymph glands to promote clear skin,” says Nichola Joss, Sanctuary Spa Skincare Expert. I’ve did this for quite a lot of time. It is good for cracked and dried skin. Use olive oil. Not too much, just apply it thinly and massage for several minutes. Then rinse. Don’t leave it overnight, it can get very uncomfortable especially when the weather is hot. And your hair keep sticking of your face, you don’t want that.

 2. Tomato

Tomato is cheap and easy. Carrots and tomatoes contain betacarotene. This chemical stimulates skin cell growth and builds collagen. Betacarotene is also a good anti-aging food because it blocks antioxidants. I tried putting tomato mask on my face for 25 mins. It is awesome! You can feel the different in the next morning. I am not lying. Simply squash a slice of tomato (you don’t need 1 whole tomato) and spread it on your skin. They said tomato is good for anti-aging. Also it can make your skin fairer. (I know this from the research I made)

 3. Drink plenty of water

Adults should drink at least two litres of water per day. Boosting your fluids intake ensures that water is needed for skin cell formation. This is easier said than done. I got to say, I really hate frequent peeing. But water is too important. So drink! It is so easy and almost free. Good bye dried lips.

4. Get beauty sleep.

Everybody loves sleeping. It makes us happy. Get at least 6-7 hours of sleep every night can help you to feel and look a lot younger than your real age. This is easy! Go to bed early.

5. Lotion in bed

Apply lotion or olive oil or moisturizers just before bed. Because they said there will be better absorption of these products at night. So don’t be lazy. I use Vaseline petroleum jelly, it is good enough. Focus on your hands and neck and feet and the knees.

They are easy as pie, easy as meggie! Everyone wants to be beautiful inside and out. Make it as a routine. I will. I am so addicted to look younger these days. Remember, age is just a number. Pen off for now.

Reference: here and here 

Friday, July 24, 2015

I’m a cat lover, and I just killed one

Today, as I about to leave for work, I .. I.. I hit a cat to death. I feel like crap. To make it worse, it was my own cat, the cat I pet every day. He was 5 months old. I curse myself all day. I’m a cat lover, and I just ran over a cat to death. How am I supposed to feel? I feel devastated!

I was late already, I chased all of the cats away, but they would not listen. I chased them away twice. I even tricked them by pouring the food in their plate so they would stay and eat. I get into the car, and reverse. Then I heard a scream. I looked at the window in front of me, looking at the reflection. I saw one body, his legs was sticking up. I jumped out of my car and saw his head was crushed and his eye was out. I screamed my lungs out, gasped and cried. I kill him. There’s nothing I can do, he’s dead. Allah!

My brother and my mum came out after they heard my scream. Man I screamed hella loud. I saw one neighbour came out too. I couldn’t control myself. And I thought, no I can’t go to work like this. I don’t want to drive anymore. I lifted my cat and brushed his fur saying I’m sorry repeatedly and called out his name. No please..

I just wanted to get this out of my chest. Now I feel all the guilt and burden on my shoulders. I used to blame people who hit cats on the road easily. I used to say, “how on earth can they hit a cat? were they blind? Were they driving too fast? Can’t they avoid it?” I used to say all those words.

You see.. I’m not blind. I will do anything to take it back. I was driving so slow, I was not speeding at all, I was only trying to reverse the car. But it happened. I think this is karma. And it hit me in the face. Because sometimes those people don’t hit the cat on purpose. They would never run over the cat if they saw it.

You can say all the good things to me now, it won’t help me to feel better. I just want to cry the blood out of my eyes. I love him so much. I want to see him grow up. It was his destiny, damn I know that. Mum keeps telling me the same thing. But I kill him! I took his life away! I was the one driving the car. I can’t forgive myself.

What am I going to tell my manager? My boss and all? If I tell them my story, I think they’ll laugh. They’ll say “it just a cat!”

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Mentally depressed

It’s the first entry in 2015. I’m so sorry blog. I neglected you. Woah, my blog is so dusty like the snow pouring down in Beijing. Nothing you could see from the ground you stand, but the dust! I’m still sane thank you very much.



Lately, I’ve been so depressed. So painful. So sad. W H Y ? 
1. I’m jobless
2. I leave the campus, my 2nd home *graduate
3. My cat died, too soon, he’s 6 months old. *I cried 4 days and 4 nights **still crying alone when I miss him

Please give me a job here in Kedah. I am sending the resume to PPD soon, I hope they will return me a call. Insya Allah. I want to say sorry to those I’ve hurt all years since 2009. Please forgive me. I was naïve and emotional. It was kind of my fault. I’ve said sorry, I’ve done my part, so please, please do yours.

My azam for 2015: I want to read as many as I can. 

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Just don't 'use' me

The word ‘ask for help’, ‘want your help’ can be changed with ‘using you’.

They want your help.
They are using you. 

Can I ask you to buy a burger for me?
Can I use you to buy a burger for me?

Can I ask you to bring me the lunchbox?
Can I use you to bring me the lunchbox?

See? It happens to anyone until at certain point you realized that it is not about helping anymore, it becomes something else and it gets on your nerves.

Maybe once or twice, it will be a pleasure for you, but the next time people ask you for help, you won’t feel the same anymore. You started thinking that people are using you, because to them you’re very nice and too polite to say no. Sounds like you? It shouldn’t be.

How to avoid that feeling? Be sincere. And do everything for the sake of Allah. If you do this, your anger will not come, your sincerity will embrace you, your humbleness will begin to show, your ‘sacrifice’ will be the reason for you to enter Jannah. All this can be the reason for you to be qualified enough to enter Jannah.


If you do this, let’s just think that one day Allah will reward you for what you did. You help people, (although you think differently), Allah will surely help you back.

Yes, I am talking to myself and talking to the world reading this. PREACH!

Monday, March 31, 2014

Apa rasanya bila habis belajar

Salam sejahtera. Maafkan keterlaluan ku dalam mengabaikan ruangan menulis ini.

Masa dulu, saya selalu fikir nak habis belajar awal. Tulis macam - macam seperti ini. Sekarang, masa tu hampir tiba. Gila lah. Cepatnya masa berlalu. Dulu selalu bising kata belajar makan banyak masa. Sistem pelajaran di sini terlalu banyak dan terlalu lama. Memang betul pun. Tak tipu. Saya masih setuju dan rasa semua tu betul.

Bila nak habis dah belajar, saya mula rasa sayang nak tinggalkan U ni. Rasa macam, alaihai, memang tak datang dah la kat Gombak ni. Rumah tetap pun kat Kedah. Macam mana dengan kawan – kawan, memori, events, pemandangan di sini. Saya mesti akan rindu tempat ni. Even sekarang pun, belum keluar lagi dah rasa macam ni. How would I live without you? I want to know. How would I live without you? Tetiba.

Lepas ni, kena mula fikir fasal kerja tetap, simpan duit, daftar itu ini, cari kereta sendiri, kumpul duit, belajar jahit belajar masak, mungkin sambung belajar, atau kahwin. Semua kena fikir dan kena mula jadi matang. Kalau boleh, saya nak kekal muda saja. Dan belajar sahaja kerjanya.

Tapi, orang kata, kita kena belajar sentiasa walaupun bukan di sekolah atau universiti. Hidup kita sentiasa belajar, ilmu kena sentiasa ada. Kalau dah habis belajar pun, kena belajar jugak dengan sendiri. Beli buku ke, hadiri majlis ilmu ke, tengok halaqah ke, semua kekal belajar.



Cuma bila dah mula bekerja dan bekerjaya, mesti kita lebihkan kerja kan. Terabai sikit ibadah sunat atau majlis ilmu. Balik kerja mesti nak rehat. Itupun kalau boleh rehat lah. Kena mula rancang dan tanam keazaman. Berapa dah umur Atirah sekarang ni? Teruk lah.

Tuju pada diri dan tuju pada yang mahu. 

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Yesterday was different

Warm breeze touching my face,
Doesn’t bring cold, doesn’t bring gold,
Neither brings comfort,
Not even cozy,
Just normal and cannot hurt,
But yesterday rain came,
Pouring hard and alive,
Indeed this is home with no replace.