You can't control everything

So we decided to have our dinner back in the hotel. We were planning to eat with some food I bought at Broast. The chicken looks tasty and juicy and yummy, every single time. I always wanted to eat something else apart from what the hotel served us. 

After dinner, all of us took our own ways and go back to each other’s room. I laid back and looked at my phone, checking my messages and I wanted to take my bath before I sleep. I cried when I found out that the time of the month has finally come. And I remembered how hard I prayed to God to postpone my period this month so I can fully attach myself to my ibadah here in Mekah. But His plans are better than mine and He knows what I do not know.  I continue crying, I felt so loss. I felt so demotivated, and I felt so angry too. 

It is a little bit disappointing when you came from afar to do your rarest ibadah and then your body is not holy enough for you to do anything in the most Holiest Mosque in the world. I cried myself to sleep. My grandma noticed it, she stayed with me in the same room. So she asked me about it in the morning. I told her with tears in my eyes. I felt a terrible sense of loss, you might never understand this feeling. I am so terribly at loss. The saddest part is I don’t know when I can come here again. 
 
 

from Google image

So we ate some bread to fill our tummy, and I took my grandma to the mosque so she can perform her fajr prayer there with my dad waiting for her arrival at Bin Dawood shop. With that, I left her with my father, and I walked my way back to the hotel all alone. I cried walking alone. I didn’t care at all if the people are looking. I know they were looking at me, I just didn’t look back because I know I do not want to socialize and to make contact with anyone at that moment. So I let them look.   

Until today, sadness always come knocking my heart every time my brain remembers this.